


Fall Together, Fall Apart

by darkmagicalgirl



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4376042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmagicalgirl/pseuds/darkmagicalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With one intentionally missed combo, Kageyama realizes he's lost both his team and his soulmates. He isn't sure which hurts more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall Together, Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> For [HQ OT3 Week](http://hq-ot3week.tumblr.com/prompts) Day 3 Prompt: Separation.

Kageyama doesn't realize no one is there until the ball hits the ground. All his focus was on the other team, on their positioning, where his spikers ought to be for his toss, that he doesn't realize until he hears the thud behind him and turns to see-

He's alone.

The coaches call him off and as he walks through the group of teammates who part to give him a wide berth, passing by Kindaichi and Kunimi, he wonders which hurts worse: being rejected by his team or being rejected by his soulmates. 

The strangest thing is how little he feels. Because of the unfair advantage soulmates would have in any sort of competition, it's regulation for everyone to take suppressants before tournaments and matches to even the playing field. Most teams practiced using short term suppressants so they'd get used to the feeling.

Kageyama had been practicing so much, recently, had been telling - forcing? - Kindaichi and Kunimi to do the same, that he'd grown accustomed to the silence in his head, to not being able to feel anything from the mark on his chest. He hadn't realized that the numbness had stuck around after the drugs should have faded.

He hadn't realized they'd decided to sever the bond.

When he gets home, he pulls off his shirt in front of the mirror and looks at his mark. Just like any mark, it had started as a circle at the center of his chest over his sternum. Unlike most marks, his had two distinct shapes inside it from the beginning, an intertwining division almost like a yin yang symbol, white and blue. One side cool to the touch for Kunimi, the other warm for Kindaichi. Tiny threads had shot off from the center, curling and moving under his skin, ever since the day they'd met.

Now it's just a dark circle. The threads have vanished, the color is fading away. It feels dead beneath his skin.

Kageyama put on a sweatshirt over the mark, hiding it from view, and lies down on his bed.

\---

__  
"Kunimi's side feels the nicest, doesn't it?" Kindaichi asks. He's standing on Kageyama's bed, using his height advantage to help stick up posters in the free spots highest on the wall. "Especially when it's hot out like today."

_"Ew," Kunimi says from his spot on the floor. Although it had been him who'd decided Kageyama's room was too boring and needed more personality, he'd done shockingly little to help them actually decorate it. "Don't be weird."_

_"How is that weird?" Kindaichi asks, sounding genuinely hurt. "Kageyama agrees with me, don't you?"_

_Kageyama shrugs and sits down next to Kunimi. "Yours is nice when it's winter," he says to Kindaichi. "But neither one is uncomfortable."_

_Kunimi stretches against him, instantly converting him into a human shaped pillow. "Of course," he says. "Making a soulmate mark uncomfortable would ruin the whole purpose. They're meant to be soothing. Connecting."_

_Kageyama smiles and says nothing he begins to stroke Kunimi's hair. Kunimi hums and there's a flutter in Kageyama's chest, through their mark, a sparkle of Kunimi's happiness at the attention._

_"Don't leave me out," Kindaichi says, jumping off the bed. "That's no fair!" He falls against them, hitting Kunimi in the gut by accident, and they are a mess of limbs for a few minutes until they can get themselves sorted out, Kunimi complaining and Kindaichi apologizing and Kageyama just enjoying, through their bond, how relaxed it all is._

\---

He pulls down the posters, throws them in the trash. He wears his shirts buttoned up so no one can see his mark. He doesn't try to feel for them through it, doesn't try to reach out to them. They don't reach out either. The statement is clear enough.

By the time he begins at Karasuno, his mark has turned fully grey. It's still divided, light and dark, but no trace of color remains. He tries not to look at it, tries not to think of it.

Thankfully, most people haven't met their soulmates by the time they are in high school, so he doesn't have to do much to hide his situation. He turns away when he changes, lets his mind wander to other things when the topic comes up in class or the hallways. It's not like he's known for being able to focus on anything besides volleyball anyway.

Hinata helps. He's so much, loud and annoying and athletic, and Kageyama can focus on him. Even when he has to face them again at the practice match, he focuses on Hinata. Stupid Hinata, annoying Hinata, always-there-to-hit-his-tosses Hinata. 

He wishes Hinata could have been his soulmate instead.

\---

__  
"My mom says people think that having two soulmates is a bad thing," Kageyama says one day. They're eating lunch outside the gym, sitting in a semi-circle on the grass and trading food back and forth so that no one has to eat his least favorite. "She said our bond could be unstable."

_"I've read about that," Kunimi says. He's the only one of them to have done any research into, well, anything except volleyball or video games. He scrunches his nose and pushes the eel in his bento to the side where Kindaichi can get it before he continues. "Because there are three personalities involved, not two, there's more potential for sudden changes in the bond."_

_"What kind of sudden changes?" Kindaichi asks around the eel._

_"You know a lot of people end up dating their soulmates," Kunimi says. “In some three person bonds, two of them will date and the third is supposed to be a platonic best friend to them, only it turns out that they aren't. Or they actually are, but then they feel less close, and it causes issues."_

_"That won't be a problem for us, then," Kageyama says. "None of us are dating. Our bond is about us being teammates." They'd figured that one out very quickly. It made so much sense. They all played different positions, they all were more talented than most of their peers. Having a soulmate bond, even if they had to take suppressants during matches, would just enhance their teamwork. They'd be perfect, Kageyama knew it._

_"We'll never have drama like that," Kindaichi agrees and looks to Kunimi to agree as well, putting them perfectly in sync._

_Kunimi takes a bite of his food and looks down. "Speaking of which," he says. "What was that new play the coaches were talking about last practice?"_

_It's unusual for Kunimi to need a play explained to him, but Kageyama jumps in anyway, more than happy to talk about volleyball._

_He doesn't realize until later that Kunimi never agreed._

\---

"What's it like to have an active mark?" Hinata asks during training camp, making Kageyama jump before he realizes that of course the question isn't directed at him. Obviously.

"I'm not sure I'm really the best person to ask," Daichi says, rubbing the back of his head. "Michimiya and I have known each other since grade school, so I don't really remember how it was before."

"Is it true that you can feel her emotions?" Tanaka asks, leaning over. "That's so cool, dude."

"Only sometimes," Daichi says. "When she feels something strongly or if we're touching."

"Can't soulmates who've been together for years can talk mind to mind?" Noya says. "If you've been with her for that long, how come you don't do that?"

Daichi is blushing despite himself now. "We decided to take things slowly," he says. "You have to practice that kind of stuff, you know, and we have the rest of our lives ahead to be in each other's heads. We figured it'd be better if we let ourselves grow up a little first, you know?"

"Very responsible," Suga says, nodding. "It must have been her idea, then." He grins when Daichi glares. "Am I wrong?"

"No…" Daichi admits. "Anyway, it's mostly the feelings thing. I've heard that dormant marks can sometimes do it, but it's more regular for us, and we can communicate through it a little bit. Like if I feel that she's anxious during class, I can send back a little calmness."

"I wish I knew who my soulmate is," Tanaka says. "I want to meet her right away."

"I think mine must be a volleyball player," Hinata says. "Because sometimes I get a feeling like whenever I hit a really intense spike, only I haven't hit one!"

"Maybe your soulmate is the Small Giant," Noya says. "Wouldn't that be cool? I think I'd like to have a mentor-type soulmate. Then I could still be free to date Kiyoko-san!"

"Yeah, like potentially having a romantic soulmate is the biggest obstacle between you two," Tsukishima says, making Yamaguchi giggle. "Are we done with this topic?"

"Insecure about your soulmate, huh?" Tanaka says with an exaggerated grin.

"Not at all," Tsukishima says. "After all, I'm not like the King here. I wonder what kind of person is fated to have to put up with a guy like that? Having him in your head?"

"Stop calling me that," Kageyama hisses, so cold that the team rears back. He turns around, lies down on his pillow. "I'm going to bed."

Nobody brings up soulmates again that week.

\---

_“Shut up!" Kindaichi is shouting, though Kageyama hasn't said anything yet. "I get it, I know, I'm not fast enough or strong enough and just- we aren't on the court anymore so can't you just keep it to yourself for once?"_

 _"You could be fast enough," Kageyama says, because he knows it's true, he knows Kindaichi's abilities as well as his own and is sure if he just, if he just_ tried _they'd be perfect, they'd be able to do plays nobody could stop, but Kindaichi isn't trying at all, he's giving up and slowing down and pulling away and Kageyama can't stand it._

_"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Kindaichi slaps his palms over his ears, though the sound he's trying to escape isn't coming through them but through the mark on his chest. Kageyama can feel his burning hot against him, a flare of fury and pain, and he's not sure which of them started it. "You terrible King, you tyrant, I hate-"_

_"Enough," Kunimi says and there's a wave of cold, numbness slowing down their thoughts, quieting the chaos inside their heads. "Ten meters away, remember?" That's the distance they'd discovered that would keep their thoughts from spilling in to each other, ever since they'd decided a year ago how cool it would be to be able to talk mind to mind like Kunimi's books said they could._

_"I'll go," Kindaichi says and whirls on his heel, marching away, well past the ten meters necessary. Kageyama can feel when his presence thins down to its normal background static, more anxious than neutral but par for the course as of recently._

_"Learn some control," Kunimi says and now that Kindaichi is gone Kageyama can feel his anger, too. Kunimi's rage has always been the quietest out of all of them, ice against their fire and lightning, but it lasts, building up over Kageyama's heart and making it hard to breathe._

_"I'll try if he will," Kageyama says and he means it, he does, if they all could just try-_

_"You're impossible," Kunimi says, inflectionless, and turns to follow Kindaichi._

\---

Soulmate bonds cannot be destroyed, not entirely. They can be forced down, denied a place to grow, though all the books and websites caution people against even trying it, citing the benefits of soulmate relationships as an important part of emotional regulation and a sense of fulfillment. It's impossible to be rid of the bond entirely, impossible to turn an active mark back to dormancy.

With no Kunimi around to explain this to him, Kageyama has to research it himself.

It's why he still feels things from them, sometimes. Not frequently and not much, but occasionally he'll feel a flash of emotion from one of them. Kindaichi's anger, so easy to recognize now, Kunimi's surprise, a bit of joy, a burst of sorrow. He cries the night they lose to Shiratorizawa during the Interhigh, wonders if they cried the night they'd beaten his team. Wonders what they get from him.

He isn't sure if the two of them get more from each other, being so close. From what he'd read about three person bonds, head aching at trying to understand something that's not volleyball in the slightest, he knows they can't have an open connection between them without having it open to him, too. It's all or nothing, with them, and he sometimes thinks he might have the better end of it in some ways, not being near enough to see but not to feel, not how they used to. It's hard enough to run into them at tournaments, even with the suppressants.

One afternoon toward the end of practice there's a hot flash of pain, making him cry out and fall. His hands go to his shoulder even though he knows the pain isn't his, isn't really there, not in his body. It's Kindaichi's pain, he can tell, quickly mixing with Kunimi's fear.

His team is clamoring around him, asking what happened and is he okay and they didn't see him get hit with anything so what's wrong? He can't answer them, both because he doesn't want to and he doesn't know how.

It's Suga that comes to his rescue, herding everyone off and helping him outside the gym, giving him a cup of water to drink.

"It's a soulmate thing, isn't it?" he asks and his eyes are so knowing and gentle that Kageyama can't help but nod. For him to feel so strongly through his mark that something had happened to his soulmate, it's obvious his mark must be active, but Suga doesn't push him for anything more.

Kageyama wants to know what's going on, if everything is okay, but all he can tell is that Kindaichi is in pain and Kunimi is scared and he doesn't know if he's allowed to push for anything more. He doesn't know if his own fear and confusion is being sent to them. He's tried, really actually tried, to learn control like Kunimi had told him to back when it could have mattered, but without their help he doesn't know how much progress he's made.

Kindaichi's pain worsens, then disappears almost entirely, and Kunimi's fear slowly dissipates as well. Kageyama stares at his phone for half an hour, lying in his bed, volleyball next to him and still in the practice clothes Suga had sent him home in, trying to figure out what the boundaries are in this situation.

He decides the safest option is a text to Kunimi.

**Is he okay?**

He spends the next hour agonizing in the silence, staring at his phone and wondering if Kunimi might just ignore him. He only realizes when he feels a sudden rush of a confused mix of emotions through their bond, the strongest being shock, that Kunimi had just not checked his phone yet. The reply is quick and to the point.

**He's fine. Fell during a spike. Dislocated shoulder. Doctor got it back in.**

Kageyama breathes a sigh of relief. He knows about dislocated shoulders. If Kindaichi is careful and takes it easy for the next few weeks, which Kunimi is sure to make him, he'll be fine.

He assumes the contact will cease then, but his phone buzzes once more, making him jump. It's from Kunimi again.

**You should tell him you were worried. He'd be pleasantly surprised.**

Kageyama frowns at his phone, confused. Would Kindaichi like to know Kageyama worried about him? It shouldn't be that much of a surprise, after all, it's not like Kageyama could help but feel that something had happened through their connection. Of course he’d would be worried, so it shouldn't be a surprise, not even touching the pleasant part.

He's still sorting through his confusion when his phone buzzes with yet another text from Kunimi.

**Idiot. Just do it.**

Kageyama bites his lip, realizing more of his emotions must be spilling through their bond than he had realized, or maybe the strength of Kindaichi's pain earlier had re-opened pathways that had been left dead for so long. Either way, Kunimi clearly is getting something from him. Kunimi might be a lot of things, but he wouldn't lie to Kageyama about something like this, not as far as Kageyama can imagine, so he shifts on his bed and opens a new text to Kindaichi and sends it before he can second guess himself.

**Kunimi told me what happened. I'm glad you're okay.**

He wonders if he should have added something about how Kindaichi should take it easy, but that seemed like too close to an order so he'd left it short, hoping that if he limits what he says he has less of a chance of screwing it up.

Kunimi was right. It doesn't take long before Kageyama feels a sharp flash of of astonishment mixed with happiness, warm against his chest just as they always used to be.

\---

__  
Even if he couldn't feel Kindaichi's nearness, Kageyama would be able to find him by the sniffling coming from the bathroom stall. Kindaichi's always been the quickest of them to cry, as much as he might try to deny it, tearing up at movies or when their team loses or when the vegetables he tries to grow each spring die.

_"Kindaichi," Kageyama says, knocking against the door._

_"Go 'way," Kindaichi says, voice thick with the effort of not letting it shake, as if Kageyama isn't able to know how upset is. "I'm f-fine."_

_"Let me in," Kageyama says and when that only earns him a sniffle in return he sighs, opens their bond up further._ Please _, he sends through._

_That gets Kindaichi to fidget, sigh, and finally give up. When he opens the stall door his eyes are red, toilet paper turned tissues still in his hand, and the skin below his nostrils is pink and irritated from blowing his nose._

_"What's wrong?" Kageyama says, entering the stall and shutting it behind him so he can lean against the door. He's not really good at these emotional things, so he's out of his depth here. Usually he leaves them to Kunimi, but Kunimi is home sick today, unable to help him._

_"Just some things some people said about my height," Kindaichi says, looking down. "It's stupid."_

_Kageyama frowns at him, notices how he's slumping to try to make himself shorter. "Being tall is good," he says. "It gives you an advantage in volleyball."_

_Kindaichi looks up and snorts, thankfully getting his toilet paper wad up in time. "Volleyball's really all that matters to you, huh?" he asks._

_"Of course," Kageyama says, confused. Why wouldn't it be?_

_Kindaichi laughs more at that and Kageyama wonders whether he said something wrong, but thankfully he can feel that Kindaichi's distress is going down, being replaced by a sort of exasperated fondness that Kageyama often feels from his two soulmates. Kageyama doesn't usually understand why they are feeling that way, and lately he thinks the exasperated part is starting to grow more than the fondness part, but this time it's okay, because Kindaichi is feeling better, and that's what matters.  
_

\---

Three days later, Kindaichi texts him a picture of his math textbook, with a caption bemoaning how little understands what's in it. It's the first time he's reached out since last year and Kageyama's hands shake as he types out his reply. His hands never shake, not when he serves, not when he's in math class, not ever, but now his fingers feel foreign and shivery, so far from their usual surety. He hopes none of what he's feeling spills over through their connection, not after he's worked so hard to keep his reply casual.

KIndaichi sends him a reply text, and another, and another. Soon they've fallen into a regular routine of keeping in contact. There's nothing especially meaningful in the missives they send back and forth, nothing that scratches beyond the most surface-level aspects of their lives. They carefully stay away from topics like volleyball and soulmates, even if that restricts their conversations mostly just to their schoolwork and the weather, but it's something.

They also don't talk about Kunimi. Kageyama had thought, perhaps, since Kindaichi was talking to him, then Kunimi might be as well. He'd texted him back the day Kindaichi had hurt his shoulder, after all, and it was him who had pushed him into texting Kindaichi in the first place. But when Kageyama tries to message him with a similarly inoffensive comment as the one Kindaichi had first sent to him, he gets no response. There's the briefest flutter in their bond, but it's gone in a flash and Kageyama can't quite find a name for the emotion he felt in that moment.

That was always one of the pitfalls of the bonds. Just being able to feel an emotion didn't always help him be able to name it, understand it, know what to do with it. If he could experience it for a longer time, really pick it apart, he might be able to figure out a little, no matter how emotionally dense he was, but even in the old days Kunimi would usually pull back before him or Kindaichi had a chance, shrouding his mental state from them as cleanly as if sliding closed a frosted glass window.

Kageyama texts with Kindaichi and tries not to compare things to how they used to be. Tries not to wait with baited breath each time he sends a message, hoping he'll feel something through their bond when Kindaichi reads it, no matter the distance. Tries not to wonder if Kunimi will ever speak to him again, if Kindaichi will ever be willing to talk about things outside the most mundane.

After the Spring High, Kindaichi doesn't text him for a week and a half. Kageyama tells himself not to take it personally, knows he probably would do the same if the scores had been reversed, but it's so hard when he's been clinging on to those brief bits of contact like a starving man might the crumbs from a loaf of bread. 

When Kindaichi does reach out, Kageyama's relief tastes sour in his mouth with the realization of how fine the thread holding them together is. Is this better, he wonders, than when they didn't talk at all? Or is he just hitting his head against the wall, torturing himself for no reason?

He tries to be happy with what he's gotten back, even if it's so much less than what he's lost.

\---

__

_When Kageyama wakes up, something is missing. He'd fallen asleep with Kindaichi on his left and Kunimi on his right, all in a pile because they'd long forgone even the pretense of lining up their sleeping bags as if they wouldn't end up all on top of each other by the morning. When he opens his eyes, though, Kindaichi is there but Kunimi is not. Kageyama searches for him through their bond and finds him nearby._

_Kunimi doesn't look up when Kageyama opens the front door and sits next to him on the porch. It's chilly out, cold air nipping at Kageyama's skin, but Kunimi doesn't seem to mind it. His face gives nothing away about how he feels, but unease trickles through Kageyama's mind, only growing when he shifts closer, looking to share some body heat._

_"Hey," Kageyama asks, faltering when Kunimi turns wide but blank eyes on him. He can't tell if Kunimi is upset or not, maybe angry, maybe just tired, maybe-_

_"Kindaichi will be sad if he wakes up all alone," Kunimi says. His voice is soft, making Kageyama retroactively classify his own voice as too loud in this strange mood. "You should go back inside to be with him."_

_"I was wondering where you were," Kageyama says._

_"Well, here I am," Kunimi says and looks away like that's a dismissal._

_"Aren't you cold?" Kageyama asks. Usually Kunimi is the first to complain when the temperature dips, the one always needing to grab an extra scarf or sweater lest he turn pale and quieter than usual. For him to come outside on a morning like this, where the wind sends a steady stream across skin, turning shivers to shakes, seems unlike him._

_"If I were cold, I would go inside," Kunimi says, still keeping his eyes firmly fastened on the peaks of the hills that make up the horizon, kilometers away from Kageyama._

_Kageyama chews his lip, unable to shake the feeling that something is wrong, very wrong, and if Kunimi won't tell him he'll look for himself. Sliding through their connection is easy, as natural as breathing at this point, as is feeling Kunimi's emotions rise up to meet him, complicated and twisting like a book written in another language with a shared script, so close to comprehensible and yet completely impenetrable to him. He tries to sort through them, translate them by comparing them to feelings he does know, but just as he tries to grasp them they slip away further and are gone behind a veil of ice and shadow._

_"Don't do that," Kunimi says, tension around his lips turning them thin and unyielding. "Don't just- don't barge into my head just because you're confused. Soulmate or not, I get to have some privacy."_

_"You get mad at me for not understanding you and then don't even let me try," Kageyama says, tone rising in frustration. "It's not fair, how am I supposed to know anything if you won't let me-"_

_"You could ask," Kunimi snaps. "With your words. How are you, Kunimi, or what's wrong, Kunimi, instead of just assuming you're welcome in my mind like some-" He puts a hand up to cover his eyes, takes a deep breath, as Kageyama tries to isolate the sharp pangs of passion he'd felt, so unusual from Kunimi._

_"Why are you afraid?" Kageyama asks. He'd been expecting anger, he knows enough to have read that from Kunimi's actions, but the fear took him by surprise. "What do you have to be afraid of?"_

_"Did you even listen to a word I just said?" Kunimi asks, dropping his hand. "Or do you not even bother doing that anymore?"_

_Kageyama frowns and replays their conversation. Kunimi has said he should ask, and he had asked, so what was the problem? "I'm not trying to make you upset," he says cautiously. Why does talking to Kunimi so often feel like walking through an unmarked field of land mines, only to be told he was the one who put the mines there in the first place?_

_Kunimi turns away and breathes, deeply, carefully, the way they'd been taught how to while running by their coaches. "I know," he says as he turns back. "I know you aren't and I'm not… Look, forget it, okay? I had a bad dream so I'm feeling weird, that's all."_

_Kageyama would have thought that if one of them had had a nightmare while sleeping so close, the others would have known it, their distress would have leaked through. He hadn't gotten anything of the sort from Kunimi the night before. If anything, he would have guessed that Kunimi had had an unusually good dream, actually. But it doesn't seem worth it to express doubt or confusion, not when Kunimi's only just calmed down, so he leaves it alone._

_"Do you want to stay outside a while longer?" Kageyama asks instead._

_"Yes," Kunimi says. "I'll be inside in a bit. Go make sure Kindaichi doesn't think we've abandoned him."_

_Kageyama does as he's told and curls back up with Kindaichi, warm and out of the wind. And later, Kunimi does come back in, and they eat breakfast together and watch cartoons until Kindaichi's mother tells them to do their homework, and it's all normal enough that Kageyama lets go of his earlier worries. Kunimi would tell them if something was really wrong, he's sure of it._

\---

He's out with Hinata and Yachi when he runs into them at the mall. Kunimi is still holding popcorn and Kindaichi is talking animatedly, arms thrown wide in the way Kageyama recognizes as him re-enacting a scene from something he's seen, so they must have come from the movie theater. How could he not have noticed how close they all were?

"Hey, aren't those your old teammates?" Hinata says, voice piercingly loud because he's Hinata and he can't help it, he can't help it so there's no point in Kageyama hitting him except to make himself feel better.

Of course they turn, of course they catch sight of him. Kindaichi's eyes grow large in his face and he stops moving mid-gesture, a caricature of surprise that echoes exactly what he's feeling. Perhaps it's because Kindaichi and Kageyama's shock is so strong, so tinged with a hints of happiness and horror, that Kunimi's reaction is lost beneath theirs. His face is equally unreadable.

"Hey," Kindaichi says, rubbing his shoulder awkwardly.

"Shallot-head!" Hinata shouts and Kageyama doesn't know why people seem to think he's the one who can't read the mood of a room. "It's really you! And, uh-"

"Kunimi," Kunimi says quickly, most likely trying to avoid finding out what kind of nickname he'd get saddled with by Hinata's bizarre schemes of remembering people.

"Oh, from Seijou," Yachi says, catching up and sidling away from Kindaichi's massive height.

"Yeah," Kindaichi says. "My name's Kindaichi, actually," and that sets off a whole round of introductions during which Kageyama can stay mercifully silent.

"I didn't know you three used to be teammates," Yachi says once she's fixed their names in her memory. "At your middle school, right?"

"It was a long time ago," Kageyama says, mostly aiming his words at his sneakers.

"Not that long," Kunimi says, voice sharp.

"Almost a year," Kindaichi says, sounding a bit desperate. "We were on the volleyball team together."

"Wow," Yachi says. She looks back and forth between them all as if she's trying to figure out if the bad vibe she's getting is a product of her own anxiety or real. It's a look she wears a lot, and usually Kageyama can reassure her, but this time her sense that things are tense is completely right.

"So, were you guys seeing a movie?" Hinata asks. "Which one?"

Kunimi names one of the popular action movies out currently. No wonder Kindaichi had looked so excited - he loved action films.

"We were hoping to see that!" Hinata says. "Was it good?"

That sets them up for a good few minutes of conversation, if only between Hinata, Yachi, and Kindaichi. Kageyama stays quiet and Kunimi mostly does the same, only cutting in if Kindaichi says something he disagrees with completely.

By the time Hinata has gotten Kindaichi back to trying to recreate an action sequence between two giant monsters leveling Tokyo Tower using only his arms, Kageyama has started to slip backwards, slowly drifting away from the conversation.

"Running away?" Kunimi's voice is quiet, meant only for Kageyama's ears. "How unlike you."

"I'm not-" Kageyama looks at him and maybe his expression is more pleading than piggish because Kunimi takes pity on him, holding his hand out in a gesture to stop.

"That wasn't fair of me," he says and looks away again. Kunimi's never had the sorts of nervous tics Kindaichi and Kageyama show, no rubbing his shoulder or nose, no shifting side to side, but Kageyama still thinks he can see tension around the set of his mouth.

"It's okay," Kageyama says. "I deserve that."

"No, you don't," Kunimi says.

"I'm so-"

"Don't apologize," Kunimi says. "Not to me."

Kageyama doesn't know what to say to that. Kunimi's face is so still and he wouldn't trust his reading of his expression anyway. He's not getting anything from him through their bond and at least now he knows better than to push.

"You've been working on your control," Kunimi says. Kageyama's startled face almost gets a smile out of him. "Come on, it doesn't take anything special to see what you're feeling right now, but that's all I'm doing. Seeing it."

"Yeah," Kageyama says, twisting his hands into his pockets. "I've been doing research, and... I don't know. I've been trying."

"Well, it's working," Kunimi says.

"Ah, our movie's going to start soon!" Yachi exclaims, looking down at her watch. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but-"

"It's okay," Kindaichi assures her, looking nearly as worried as she does. "You're not being rude at all, I promise."

"Well, we'll see you later, then," Hinata says. "At the next tournament!"

"Sure," Kunimi says blandly as he and Kindaichi turn to go. "Oh, and Kageyama?"

Kageyama's head jerks up from where he'd gone back to studying his shoelaces. "Yes?" he asks, knowing his nervousness is coming across in his voice.

"If you need any help practicing, let me know," Kunimi says. He nods to Hinata and Yachi and walks away, Kindaichi following him while throwing confused and perhaps tentatively hopeful looks back between him and Kageyama.

"You're going to practice tosses with him?" Hinata asks, betrayal evident on every line of his face. "He's not even on our team! You should practice tossing to me, I'm the spiker you should be focusing on-"

"I don't think that's what he was talking about," Yachi says, putting a hand on Hinata's sleeve to hush him. "Now, come on, or we won't have time to buy candy!"

\---

__  
"Do you ever think about the future?" Kunimi asks. They're sitting outside the convenience store by Kindaichi's house, kicked out for being too loud for the heat of the day according to Kindaichi's mother.

_"Of course," Kageyama says, taking another lick of his popsicle. He thinks about the future all the time- how it will feel when he defeats Oikawa, when he wins his first real tournament, when he stands on a national stage, when he's scouted by high schools-_

_"Like, when we're adults," Kunimi clarifies. He's already finished his ice cream and is turning the stick over and over in his hands. "What we'll be to each other."_

_"We'll be soulmates to each other," Kindaichi says. "Just like we are now."_

_"And teammates," Kageyama says, pulling his legs up onto the short wall where they're sitting. "On Japan's national team, with me as the setter and you two as my very best spikers."_

_"What if I don't want to be a professional volleyball player?" Kunimi asks. "What then?"_

_"Why wouldn't you want to be?" Kageyama asks, frown settling over his features. Kunimi has a lot of natural talent, Kageyama believes that if he just follows his advice, he could become one of the greats._

_"Let's just say for some wild reason that I'm sure will make no sense to you, I do something else in my life. What then?" Kunimi asks._

_Kageyama doesn't want to let it go, but he knows he has to. "Then you can come to my matches and support me, I guess," he says. "And I'll support you in whatever you're doing."_

_"We'll be friends," Kindaichi says. "Even if we aren't teammates, we'll be friends. Just like now."_

_"Are we friends now?" Kunimi asks._

_"What kind of question is that?" Kindaichi asks, putting his ice cream cup down. "Of course we are! What else would we be?"_

_"Just because we're soulmates doesn't automatically make us friends," Kunimi says. "Some soulmates are enemies. Some are even each other's murderers."_

_"You think one of us is going to murder the others?" Kageyama asks. "That's ridiculous."_

_Kunimi huffs out a breath, skin shiny with sweat and irritation. "It was just an example."_

_"An example of what?" Kageyama asks. "What did you mean?"_

_"Forget it," Kunimi says. Kageyama wants to push him, but Kunimi's gaze is back on him, strangely warm. "Your mouth is turning blue, you know."_  
   
Kageyama's confused until he remember his popsicle. "Kunimi-" 

_"Give me some," Kunimi says, reaching out and grabbing the stick from Kageyama's hand. He takes a long lick before passing it on to Kindaichi. "Now you," he says. "So we match."_

__

\---

Kageyama agonizes for three days before he texts Kunimi saying he'd like to take him up on his offer. Kunimi replies with a place and time and it does nothing to calm Kageyama's nerves. He changes outfits no less than six times, trying to find something that doesn't make him look like a jerk, or like he's trying to hard, or like he's caring too much.

He settles on khaki shorts and a t-shirt, one of the ones his parents bought him and don't have anything to do with volleyball, and isn't in any of their school's colors, or anything similar to design of their mark, or be reminiscent of anything about their past or relationship in any way at all.

If it means he ends up wearing a pink shirt with Gengar on it, so be it. 

Kunimi is wearing his school uniform, making all of Kageyama's thinking seem ridiculous. He's sitting at a cafe table, fiddling with his phone, giving Kageyama time to study him. He looks tired, even by Kunimi's standards. The bags under his eyes are particularly pronounced and his skin pale, eyes almost glassy.

"Hey," Kageyama says, setting his bag down next to the table and sliding into the seat across from Kunimi. "Um, thanks for offering to help."

"It's no problem," Kunimi says, tucking his phone away. "It'll be harder for you and Kindaichi to become friends again if you’re leaking insecurities at each other all the time, after all."

Kageyama twitches. "F-friends? I mean, did he say that, because, um..." He trails off, not sure exactly what to say. In the bathroom at Aoba Jousai Kindaichi had said they'd never been friends, and Kageyama had understood what he meant. They'd never had a bond like he did with Hinata, one that grew organically through shared experiences and learning more about each other. They'd been thrust into each other's minds right from the beginning, an assumed closeness with nothing underneath it. Nothing to support them when things fell apart. 

"We don't talk about you," Kunimi says. "But it's obvious enough that's what's going on." He gives a half shrug like he doesn't really care, but he wouldn't have expended so much effort to come here and meet with Kageyama of all people if he didn't.

"Oh," Kageyama says, because he's a brilliant conversationalist when faced with Kunimi being opaquely caring. "Um. Are you..." He's not sure what he wants to ask. Is Kunimi okay? Angry that him and Kindaichi are growing closer again? Happy that they are? Something completely different?

"I don't have anything against the concept of you being happy, you know," Kunimi says and shakes his head. "I- look, if you two can become friends, that's clearly a good thing, okay? So I'll help if I can."

"Okay," Kageyama says, stilted, awkward. "But if it upsets you, I don't... I don't want to do it, if it's like that. I don't want to..." _Hurt you, again. Like I always seem to do, every time we talk._

Kunimi shakes his head, bangs flying. "It doesn't upset me." That's clearly a lie, clearly it does, and Kunimi looks away for a moment before sighing. "It doesn't upset me for the reasons you seem to think, okay? Just let me do this."

"Alright," Kageyama says and knows he can't push for any more than that. "How do we start?"

\---

__

_Kageyama can't hear what Kunimi says over the sound of the volleyball hitting the gym floor. He has to turn and wait for Kunimi to repeat himself, taking a break from practicing his jump serve. It's still not right, it doesn't look like Oikawa's at all. He needs to work harder._

_"Kindaichi thinks that you hate him," Kunimi says._

_"That's stupid," Kageyama says, moving his focus back the court. "I obviously don't."_

_Kunimi's cold stare is clear even from corner of his vision. "It's not obvious if he can't tell."_

_He should have known Kunimi was going to give him some kind of lecture when he stayed back after practice. Kunimi would never stay to work on volleyball himself, not for all his natural talent. He won't even give Kageyama tips based on what he's seeing, though Kageyama knows his eye is just as good as Kageyama's own._

_It's like he's doing it purposefully to spite Kageyama sometimes. Having all that potential and going through the motions of the game, but never giving it his all. Never actually trying to stand beside him._

_"You yell at him too much," Kunimi says. "Do you know how that feels? To feel like your soulmate is so disappointed in you, that he doesn't believe in you?"_

_"I have some idea," Kageyama snaps. "Isn't that how you're always treating me?"_

_Kunimi flinches at that. "This isn't about me," he says, recovering his equilibrium. "This is about Kindaichi and you."_

_"There is no Kindaichi and me without you," Kageyama says, spinning the ball between his hands. It doesn't feel good today, not the way it's supposed to feel. "Weren't you the one always going on about that?"_

_"Fine," Kunimi says, face pale. "How about this, then? I'll give you a warning: either you fix things with Kindaichi or I will."_

_"What's that supposed mean?" Kageyama asks, but there's no reply. He hits the ball over the net before he turns to see that Kunimi is gone._

__

\---

He meets with Kunimi once a week to practice controlling how much of his emotions seep out of the bond. They always meet in public places, neutral ground, coffee shops and shopping centers and parks, always far enough off that they aren’t likely to run into anyone they know.

They don't talk about their lives or anything unrelated to control of the marks. Outside of that first day, they don't even talk about Kindaichi, for all that he's the reason they're both there.

At least things are getting better with Kindaichi. They keep chatting over text, and even start spending time together in person. Not for long and not in ways that might rub too close to still healing wounds, but they go over some similar homework they've been assigned in a library midway between their schools, or go to try the new fast food place everyone swears is delicious.

There are new rules to how he has to interact with each of them, and Kageyama does his best to follow them. Don't push. Don't get upset. Don't talk about soulmates. Don't talk about the past. Don't ask for more. 

Don't want more.

He can't help the last one.

As they enter their second year of high school, Kageyama tries to imagine an entire lifetime of this ahead of him. Seeing Kindaichi only in the briefest of moments, seeing Kunimi even less. Maybe not at all, since Kageyama expects that when Kunimi is sufficiently impressed with his control they'll cease contact completely.

He misses them so much. Seeing them like this is killing him but he can't give it up, can’t keep himself from waiting for every text or glance like he’s a drowning man gasping at less than a second’s chance at air. Even if the only closeness he can have is proximity, he'll take it if even as it hurts him.

If he were looking for evidence that he's the butt of some kind of awful cosmic joke, he gets it the day Takeda-sensei runs into the gym with the news that they've been invited to a training camp with three other Miyagi schools, including Aoba Jousai.

An entire week in close quarters with his ex-soulmates and for the first time, Kageyama considers pretending to be sick to get out of playing volleyball.

Suga wouldn't have allowed this to happen, nor would Oikawa, but they've graduated and are long gone, and apparently Kunimi and Kindaichi have been just as purposefully secretive on the matter of their soulmates as he's been.

He doesn't think there's a way to get out of this one.

"Why do you look so tense?" Hinata asks him on the bus ride over. "The Grand King is gone now, so there's nobody for you to be scared of there anymore!"

"Shut up!" Kageyama says. "I'm not scared! And if I were it'd be because I was scared of you throwing up on me!"

Squabbling with Hinata is distracting, at least, enough so that Kageyama forgets to be nervous for the rest of the drive through the city until they're rolling up outside the big rec center where they'll be staying.

Kageyama can't feel anything from either of them when they all pile into the gym and hopes the same is true on their end. He'd hate for them to feel the nerves that have settled low and heavy in his stomach. He has the suppressants and will take them if he needs to, but he'd rather save them for when they're in practice matches.

They're thrown into running and drills for the first part of the day, thankfully still grouped by team. Kageyama keeps Tanaka on one side and Noya on the other, reasoning that they're the teammates least likely to notice if something is off with him. They're both the types to miss out on anything if they possibly can, sometimes even if it’s spelled out for them.

Of course, he also has the exact opposite type of guy on his team, and he should have known Tsukishima would pick the worst time to needle him.

It's during dinner break, while everyone is shoving as much food into their mouths as they can, and Kageyama is staring at the paper plate in his hands and desperately trying not to be aware of the way Kindaichi is laughing at something his team's new captain is saying or that Kunimi is pretending to be asleep so he can steal food off of the plate of the Johzenji player next to him.

"What's wrong with you today?" Tsukishima asks, voice pitched at a careful drawl just loud enough for everyone to hear. "Don't tell me the King of the Court is uncomfortable surrounded by this many peasants."

"Don't-" Kageyama begins to give the same response he always done - _Don't call me that, don't use that name for me_ \- even though it never stops Tsukishima, not really, and by now he knows it's more about Tsukishima than him so he doesn’t really care, but before he can, the mark on his chest burns bright the frozen heat of ice and an emotion that's Kageyama can only call _rage_ -

Kunimi thrusts his chair back from the table and is out of the room in a flash, faster than most people would know he can move, leaving his teammates to look around in confusion.

Tsukishima coughs and the conversation moves on, leaving Kageyama and Kindaichi to stare at each other across the room, equally unbalanced and unsure.

\---

__

_He hears the name in a whisper between two first years as he walks by to grab a drink, still out of breath and practice jersey sticking to him with sweat._

_"I guess that's why they call him the King of the Court," one says, probably assuming that Kageyama can't hear him. "So scary..."_

_"He's so mean, and to the other third years, too," his friend agrees._

_Kageyama whirls, putting the cap back in his water bottle. "Don't you guys have other things you're supposed to be doing than chatting?" he asks, voice hoarse from shouting. "Go run drills or clean, or get out of the gym."_

_The first years squeak and hurry to obey, or at least to get out of Kageyama's sight. He hates the kids like them, who come here to sightsee and gossip, contributing nothing, just skating by on the school's legacy. Unwilling to contribute, unable to even envision the kind of hard work players like Oikawa, the ones who built that legacy, put in every day of their lives._

_"They were just taking a break," Kindaichi says from behind him, grabbing a water bottle of his own to drink from. Last year he would have just shared with Kageyama, but now the thought doesn't even seem to occur to him. "You don't have to scare them."_

_"They can goof off on their own time," Kageyama says. "Why are you even defending them?"_

_"Why are you so hard on them?" Kindaichi returns the question with a question, something Kageyama hates. "They're just kids, they're trying their best-"_

_"Like you and Kunimi try your best?" Kageyama asks, arms folding over his chest defensively. "That's not trying at all."_

_"Don't," Kindaichi says. "Don't go there."_

_"Why shouldn't I?" Kageyama's voice is harsh and he knew it's too loud, but at that moment he can't bring himself to care. "I can recognize your words even when someone else is saying them. You two are the one who came up with that stupid name, didn't you? Calling me King of the Court like I'm some tyrant?"_

_Kindaichi reddens and Kageyama feels shame blossom in his chest, not sure which of them it comes from. He knows it's the type of thing Kindaichi would say off the cuff, that he didn't mean for it to catch on, to be repeated. But now that it has, he has the choice to double down on it or let it go, and Kindaichi-_

_"Well, you act like one," Kindaichi says, quiet but no less harsh. "You order us around, yell at us for making mistakes, the second someone slips up you have no time for them anymore!" His voice rises as he talks, hands turning to fists._

_"If that were true, I'd have no time for you anymore, or Kunimi!" Kageyama barks. "After all, you two screw up all the time. Kunimi doesn't bother putting in any effort when he actually makes it to practice, and you, you," he pauses panting, because Kindaichi has gone white._

_"What? Finish that sentence, I'd love to hear it," Kindaichi snaps. "What standards of yours am I failing to live up to this time? A centimeter off from where I should just know you want me to be? Breathing too loud while you're serving?"_

_Kageyama grits his teeth. "You know you could be a better player than this."_

_"Maybe," Kindaichi says. "But not with you."_

_It feels like a ledge, one that they have to either back away from or risk plunging down, but as they stand, shoulders still moving with the ragged pants of exertion following by yelling, it becomes increasingly clear that neither of them will. Neither will make the first move, neither will admit he's in the wrong._

_Kageyama isn't sure whether to be grateful when the shrill of the coaches whistle calls them back to practice. He doesn't know where that conversation would have ended, but not having it doesn't seem any better. It's still there, just waiting, below the surface of every interaction, and Kageyama doesn't know just how close he is to the point where it all breaks down._

__

\---

Kageyama slips out not long after Kunimi does. He's knows it's dangerous, knows he walking a fine line here of breaking whatever strange shred of peace they've managed to build here, but he can't bring himself not to, not when he hasn't felt something so strong from Kunimi in years.

He doesn't use their bond to find him, is sure that would be way over the line if he even could, but if he knows Kunimi at all - and does he know Kunimi at all? It seems less and less like it every time they meet - then he can make a few guesses of where he might go.

His third guess turns out correct. Kunimi is a small figure in the rec center's large pool room, shoes pulled off so he can dangle his legs into the water, sitting right at the edge of the deep end.

Kageyama clears his throat, gives Kunimi the chance to tell him to shove off if he wants to, but Kunimi stays quiet. Kageyama makes his way over, shoes echoing on the pool tile and sits next to Kunimi, legs drawn up so he can go in a second if he's asked to leave.

"I didn't know your team still called you that," Kunimi says. He sounds calm, bored even. Kageyama would believe it if it weren't for earlier. 

"They don't, not really," he says. "Just Tsukishima, and he's an asshole. He only does it to get a rise out of me."

"And does it?" Kunimi asks. The only light is from the underwater lamps, making shadows play over Kunimi's face in patternless swirls. Kunimi always looks composed to the point of coldness, and in some ways his serenity turns him into more sculpture than living person. It's hard to remember that beneath that he feels just as strongly as Kageyama does, that his heart can hurt just as hard and his emotions can be just as exhausting.

"Yeah," Kageyama says, looking down at his hands where he's twisting them in his lap. "But, I mean, it's not that big a deal."

"Oh, not a big deal," Kunimi says and there's a note of something close to hysteria in his voice. "Just a constant reminder of how we ruined your life, no big deal, that's fine."

Kageyama's brows furrow. "You didn't ruin my life," he says. He raises his hands in response to Kunimi's disbelieving look. "I mean it," he says. "I- look, obviously it's not like I'm glad about how things went between us, but, now, I... I know what I was doing wrong, and I'm learning." _And I love my new team, and you love yours, and sometimes that makes me feel so bitter it physically hurts, but-_ “Isn't it better this way? So I'm not hurting you anymore."

Kunimi shakes his head, keeps shaking it all through Kageyama's words like he can stop them from sinking in. He looks almost betrayed. "You blame yourself," he says.

Kageyama isn't sure if it's a question, but he answers anyway. "Who else would I blame?"

"It was my fault," Kunimi says. "How can neither of you realize? Our bond, everything that happened, I was the one who messed it up, who turned it unstable. If it weren't for me, you two might have worked it out, might have been able to repair things, you are now, but I'm still-" He cuts himself off with a loud exhale that's halfway toward being a sob.

Kageyama's afraid he might bolt, so even if he knows he doesn't have the right, he reaches out and grabs Kunimi's arm, probably too hard, probably too much. "What do you mean?" he asks. "You didn't do anything."

"You're such an idiot," Kunimi says, making as though to pull away. "Both of you are."

Kageyama grips him closer. "Then explain," he says. "Please."

Maybe it's because of how tight Kageyama's fingers are on his arm, or that Kageyama said please, or just that Kunimi is closer to the edge than Kageyama has ever seen him, but Kunimi listens to him for once, doesn't argue.

“Three person bonds are unstable,” Kunimi says and goes quiet. He doesn’t pull away, so Kageyama stays still, listens to the sounds of their breathing mingling with the soft splash of the pool filters until Kunimi takes a deep breath and begins again. “They’re more likely to break down, and when they do… there’s always one person in the bond, the one who starts it, the corruption, the pollution. The one who isn’t- who can’t be happy with what’s there. Who wants something they can’t have.”

“I don’t understand,” Kageyama says, releasing Kunimi’s arm. “What did you want?”

Kunimi raises his hand to Kageyama’s face, making him flinch back slightly, but Kunimi isn’t moving fast enough to be trying to hit him and Kageyama goes still, confused. Kunimi’s fingers are cold from the tile floor when they make contact with his cheek, but he doesn’t think that’s the reason why they’re trembling. His touch is soft, so soft, and Kageyama feels his heart racing as Kunimi traces a path down the line of his jaw and up, just barely grazing his lip, before Kunimi pulls back again.

“I would show you,” he says with his gaze pointed at the ground, no where near Kageyama’s face, and his voice is so off in this moment that Kageyama could barely recognize it. “But I don’t want Kindaichi to know. About how I feel for either of you.”

Kageyama swallows. His mind is reeling, he feels like someone just upended the world beneath his feet and he doesn’t know how to stand anymore or if standing is even possible. “You,” he starts, and Kunimi shivers, so Kageyama decides it might be best to try to play things subtly, if he can manage that at all. “Your feelings for him are…?”

“The same,” Kunimi says.

“Oh,” Kageyama says. Breathes in, breathes out. “Oh. I-”

“I know,” Kunimi says, far too quickly. “So don’t- just don’t, okay?”

Kageyama nods. “Can I stay?” he asks and his voice is small. He doesn’t want to walk away from Kunimi now. He has a feeling that if he does, he’ll be out of reach forever. “Just for a little bit?”

Kunimi’s sigh is long and unreadable. “Okay,” he says, moving ever so slightly closer, just enough that their legs barely brush. “Just for a little while.”

They stay there for most of the night.

\---

__

_"We'll be together forever, won't we?" Kindaichi asks, still in black from his grandmother's funeral, eyes red. "Won't we?"_

_"Of course," Kageyama says, pressing dirt-grimed hands to tear-stained cheeks._

_“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Kindaichi says in a voice hollow with the kind of fatigue born from grief._

_“Okay,” Kageyama says. “Okay.” He curls his arms around Kindaichi, awkward and unsure, and waves Kunimi, their silent observer, to come in, too. He shakes his head but when Kageyama gestures again, Kunimi sighs and scoots closer to them on the floor, leaning his head against Kindaichi’s back._

_The ceasefire lasts two days.  
_

\---

Kageyama isn't used to having secrets. Well, he supposes he's kept the secret of who his soulmates are from his team, but that was more of an omitted fact. He's not used to being told other people's secrets.

Now he has Kunimi's, and he doesn't know what to do with it.

It's hard not to see it everywhere, from how Kunimi stays perfectly still when Kindaichi touches him to how he never meets Kageyama's eyes when their teams are speaking. He wonders how long ago it was since Kunimi started to feel this way. How carefully he must have been guarding his heart.

How he'd backed away from them, one dropped glance at a time.

Kunimi had been the glue, holding them together. When Kageyama raged and Kindaichi burned, he soothed and softened, gentling jagged edges. Sometimes it was hard to notice how much he did, how quietly he kept them together.

But when he'd been the one hurting, he'd turned in on himself and shut his heart away.

Kageyama hates himself all over again not for noticing, hates Kindaichi for the same and Kunimi for always being too complicated by far, before he realizes he doesn't hate any of them. Hatred would be too easy.

Hatred doesn't cover how much it hurts.

\---

__

_"I'm sorry," Kageyama whispers into the moonlight, voice catching. "I didn't mean it."_

_Kunimi and Kindaichi don't answer, which is only to be expected. He'd waited for them to get too far away to hear him before he began to speak, after all._

__

\---

They make it through training camp. They make it through the first few months of school. They even make it through Interhigh, helped by the fact that they were seeded into different blocks and don't both make it to the finals. 

Kageyama hangs out with Kindaichi, almost like proper friends. Him and Kunimi still meet up, ostensibly to practice control, but they rarely do anything other than sit together in silence for an hour before parting ways.

Kageyama won't say anything, won't interfere or push or do anything that will ruin this delicate, delicate balance. He promises himself.

Then one day he gets a phone call from Kindaichi, out of the blue. They never call, they text when planning to meet up or to share stupid joke. It always goes better when they have the time to psych themselves up, prepare themselves for handling the interaction.

"He's quitting the team," Kindaichi says the moment Kageyama can pick up, and it's only then that Kageyama realizes the prickling distress that's been climbing in his chest for the past few minutes wasn't his at all. "He's- he didn't even tell me, the coaches just announced it, and-"

"Kunimi's quitting volleyball?" Kageyama asks, wanting to get his facts straight before he gets too ahead of himself. Hinata, walking next to him with his bicycle's handlebars in hand, makes a questioning noise.

"Yes," Kindaichi says. "I mean, I know he hasn't been doing as well since Oika- since this last year started," he hastily amends, as if Kageyama isn't aware of how much better a setter Oikawa was for Kunimi than he could ever have been. As if he could hold it against either of them. "He was benched for the last tournament and all, but, I thought he was just going through a rough patch or something, that all he needed was to keep his head up, but now he's gone and quit without even talking to me about it-“

"Breathe," Kageyama says, like he's the expert at calming down. He kicks some leaves out of his way, thinking. He'd only seen a bit of Seijou in the last tournament, just parts of a set here or there when his teams finished first, so he hadn't realized Kunimi had been on the bench permanently. He thought he'd just been switched out for a short time.

"He's been pulling away again," Kindaichi says. "Or- I don't know, maybe he never stopped. Kageyama, I don't know what to do."

That's obviously the case, if Kindaichi has called him.

Kageyama talks Kindaichi into a slightly calmer state, getting him to promise to breathe and not take it personally and they can meet up tomorrow. After that, he tries Kunimi's number, but doesn't get a reply and isn't sure what to say in a message. When he hangs up, Hinata is watching him in that uncanny way he has sometimes that reminds Kageyama that he isn't actually always an idiot. In fact, sometimes he can understand things so easily it makes Kageyama want to hug him or maybe hit him.

"Do you want to borrow my bike?" Hinata asks, so Kageyama figures this is one of the time he'd rather hug him. "It's a long walk to Kunimi's and it's getting dark."

Kageyama nods and doesn't bother to waste the time it would take the two of them to negotiate their way through saying thank you and just takes the bike. The air turns cool as he pedals the way to Kunimi's house, stinging tears into his eyes.

He doesn't want to knock on the door and risk seeing Kunimi's parents. He doesn't know what they must think of him now, doesn't have time to deal with that tonight. He looks around for pebbles or something to throw at Kunimi's window, but comes up empty until his eyes light on the volleyball he'd been carrying in Hinata's basket.

Perfect.

The first hit rattles the window, the second shakes it on its hinges. Kageyama is gearing up for a third when the blinds sweep to the side and Kunimi pokes his head out. 

"No," he says as soon as he sees Kageyama.

"Come down," Kageyama calls up. "I need to talk to you."

"I don't need to talk to you," Kunimi says. "Go away."

Kageyama lifts the volleyball, ready to throw again if Kunimi tries to lean back inside and ignore him.

"Oh for- Five minutes, then you leave," Kunimi says and disappears.

By the time he's out the front door, Kageyama is leaned up against the street lamp in waiting. He had been starting to fear that Kunimi was actually not coming at all and he'd have to start harassing him again via window, but here he is.

"It's none of your business," Kunimi says immediately.

"Kindaichi thinks you hate him now," Kageyama says.

"Well, he survived thinking you hated him," Kunimi says. "So I expect he'll survive this, too."

Kageyama sucks in a breath, feeling that for the verbal slap it's meant to be. "That's not the same thing and you know it," he says. "You're running away."

"Of course you'd see it that way," Kunimi says, his face a mask of bitterness. "Fine, I'm running away. And why shouldn't I? Have you ever considered, Kageyama, that I might be tired? Tired of spending every day around him, without you, knowing I'm the one who messed it all up and not being able to stop wanting- wanting-"

He grasps about for what to say next, panting, and Kageyama knows he needs to shut him up, needs to convince him differently, but trying to find the right words has always betrayed him.

So he does the only thing he can think of and lunges forward, grabbing Kunimi's arms to hold him still and smashes their mouths together.

It hurts, too much force and not enough tenderness, but that’s the only way Kageyama’s ever known how to be, the only chance he has to get through whatever web of outcomes and chances and blame and _bullshit_ Kunimi has spun across his heart, so when their teeth knock together and Kageyama’s lip splits he thinks _Good_ and presses in harder, biting at Kunimi so they can feel the pain together.

He licks into Kunimi’s mouth and feels the way he shivers and goes soft, melting into Kageyama’s arms like his brain overloading has stolen all energy needed to keep him upright, but Kageyama holds him steady and pulls back just slightly, knowing his expression must be terrifying with lips smeared red and his eyes too wide and every fiber of him burning, burning in his attempt to get Kunimi to listen.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be alone,” Kageyama growls, fingers digging in to Kunimi’s shoulders. “You think it’s hard being around Kindaichi every day? I don’t get to see either of you except for a moment here and there if I’m lucky, if you’re willing to spare it, like I’m a dog begging for scraps, and I get why I deserve it, but don’t act like you’re the only one this is hurting, okay? Because that’s what you’re sentencing yourself to, and sentencing Kindaichi to, and maybe you think you and I deserve it, but you can’t tell me you think he does.”

Kunimi stills looks dazed, like Kageyama’s managed to pull the rug out from under him for once, and he licks his lips with his eyes unfocused before shaking his head. “You and him could-“

“No,” Kageyama says, digging his fingers in even more. It has to hurt, fingernails on flesh, but Kunimi is staring at him so wildly that Kageyama can’t imagine loosening his hold for a second. “Not without you.” 

Kunimi looks ready to argue so Kageyama kisses him again, not quite as rough as last time but nowhere near gentle, teeth scraping against lips and Kunimi makes a tiny hiccuping sound and brings his hands up to rest on Kageyama’s shoulders, not pushing him away, not pulling him closer. His lips are warm and slightly open, and Kageyama is surprised by how nice this feels, Kunimi’s mouth against his. 

“What are you doing?” Kunimi asks, more than a little desperately, when Kageyama pulls back again, not going so far this time so he can still feel his breath on his cheek, fast little puffs of air as Kunimi stays clinging to him.

"Convincing you," Kageyama says and when Kunimi just stares at him Kageyama has a moment of doubt, like maybe he's fucked this up worse than he'd thought, maybe his instincts were all wrong again just like they always were, when it came to Kunimi, and he can't help the quaver in his voice when he asks, "Is it okay?"

Kunimi's mouth falls open even further at that and Kageyama wonders if he's broken him completely, because Kunimi never looks this disheveled, this nonplussed. "Okay?" Kunimi repeats. "This is- I've been fantasizing about this for years." His voice drops at the end, a silent _but…_ hanging in the air between them.

"What is it?" Kageyama asks, because he doesn't want to guess. He knows by now that he can't guess, there are too many options, from Kindaichi's absence to it being too little, too late.

"Are you- are you just doing this because, I don't know, you don't want me to quit volleyball, or you think it's the only way to get me to be," Kunimi has to remove his hand from Kageyama's shoulder to wave it, Kageyama misses the warmth. "I don't know, not... whatever it is that I am? Pathetic?"

"You're not pathetic," Kageyama says, seizing on that part because it's what he understands. "You've never been pathetic."

Kunimi laughs a little and steps back, away. It's not a good sign, even Kageyama can tell that much. "You can't expect me to really believe that, coming from you. I know what you think of me."

"What are you talking about?"

Kunimi practically snorts. "I've been in of your head, remember? You were pretty loud and clear, those last few months."

"That's not fair," Kageyama says. "I've been in your head, too, haven't I? And I obviously didn't understand even half of what was going on with you, so, so…” He pants, out of breath and out of words. He's never been good at this part.

Kunimi is frowning, looking down, and Kageyama doesn't know what that means.

"I never thought you were pathetic," Kageyama tries again. "Anything I thought of you was- I didn't understand. I never have and I hurt you, both of you, and I'm sorry, I'll never stop being sorry. But I never thought you were pathetic."

"And now?" Kunimi asks. "This?"

"I couldn't stand losing you," Kageyama says. "Not again."

Kunimi's face twists. "Because I'm your soulmate. Or one of them, anyway."

"Because you're important to me," Kageyama snaps. "And I liked kissing you, and I liked spending time with you, back when you would let me. You're the one who went and decided everything else."

Kunimi looks at him, long moments passing with no indication of his thoughts, and Kageyama wants to do something to break this stillness but he forces himself to stay in it, not push. Let Kunimi think. He wipes his mouth, trying to be patient.

"I'm quitting the club," Kunimi says, voice hard. Harsh. Testing him.

"Fine," Kageyama says.

“Really?” Kunimi asks, eyes narrowing and now Kageyama knows he’s being challenged, even if Kunimi always comes at it ass backwards.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Kageyama says. “And I doubt you’ll get rid of Kindaichi any easier.”

Kunimi’s eyes narrow and he reaches up to brush his bangs back, even if they weren’t on his face in the first place. “You liked kissing me,” he says, suspiciously, as if he expects Kageyama to take it back.

“Yeah,” Kageyama says, trying to sound sure of himself. “I’d do it again, if you wanted me to.” 

Kunimi takes in a deep, shuddering breath and nods, leaning in. This time the graze of their lips is cautious at first, the sense of urgency from before having softened into something new. A quiet sort of desperateness, disbelieving and unsure, and for several long moments their kiss could be almost chaste until Kunimi's tongue tentatively skims along his lower lip.

Kageyama doesn’t want to miss a thing but his eyes fall closed against his will and he can only take comfort in how much that heightens everything else, the way Kunimi is leaning into him, the warmth of his hands where they curl into Kageyama’s jacket, the sweep of his tongue inside Kageyama’s mouth. He must taste like blood and fear but Kunimi takes him in hungrily, pulling at his lip, his shoulders, his hips, grasping at him like he’s starving, for this, for Kageyama, like he wants to crawl into Kageyama’s skin with him, and Kageyama can’t match his intensity, doesn’t have years of longing for this exact thing to draw on, but he tries his best.

He pressed in so hard that Kageyama is afraid they’ll tip over, so he wraps his arms around Kunimi to steady them and hold Kunimi close all at once, heart beating against heart, stuttering out of rhythm together. There’s a vine that’s grown around Kageyama’s heart, gnarled and twisted with thorns that bleed him dry whenever he dares to hope, but with each soft movement of Kunimi against him, he can feel the vise ease.

Blood roars in Kageyama’s ears, his whole body is hot, and when he hears a choking noise he could have almost thought it was from him until Kunimi jumps and yanks out of Kageyama’s arms. His eyes fly open and he turns to see Kindaichi, a schoolbag close to falling form his shaking hands as he stares at the two of them in shock, looking pale, looking betrayed, and the pain that sears across his chest is sharp enough to make him gasp.

“I…” Kindaichi keeps staring while Kageyama’s pulse pounds and he tries to find his feet. Their bond is supposed to be closed, supposed to be shut, but he can swear he hears a litany of _how could they without me is this why we fell apart how long how did I not know without me they weren’t even talking lying to me kissing each other without me without me without me_ and Kindaichi spins to stomp away, horror turning to hate as his heart tries to close out what has become a _them_ against his _I_ in the flash of a second.

“Kindaichi!” Kunimi’s voice is cracked and he chases after without a moment’s hesitation while Kageyama stands numb. His ears are roaring again and he can see Kunimi catching up, grabbing at Kindaichi’s sleeve while his mouth moves in rushed explanations Kindaichi doesn’t want to hear, refuses to hear as he wrenches his arm back. Kageyama sways on his feet as Kindaichi yells and tears appear at the corners of his eyes, Kunimi’s hands balling into fists as he hisses back and the pain in Kageyama’s chest makes it hard to breathe, makes it hard to stand, and he closes his eyes.

When he opens them again, Kindaichi is gone and Kunimi eyes are red and furious.

“Kunimi,” Kageyama says. His throat feels thick, he can’t swallow.

“Go,” Kunimi says, voice flat and empty and at odds with his eyes, at odds with his heart. “We’ve done enough damage for one night, haven’t we?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, the click of the door sounding deadly and final through the night air.

\---

__

_Kageyma sees him by the classroom windows and the world falls from beneath his feet. His books fall to the floor, forgotten, uncared for, and he only has to make it halfway across the room because the other boy has closed the distance. They stare at each other, strangers, but there’s a bloom of something against Kageyama’s skin, a searing heat and light, not painful but still, somehow, all too much._

_“You,” the boy says, his hands coming up to grab at Kageyama’s face as if checking to see if he’s real, and he knows him, he knows him, he feels like he’s heard his voice in his dreams and his head and his face is more familiar than the ones he’s seen everyday, although before this moment he couldn’t have guessed the first thing about him at all._

_“Kageyama Tobio,” Kageyama says, eyes flying up and down this stranger who isn’t strange to him at all, trying to learn every piece of him._

_“KIndaichi Yuutarou,” the boy says. “I can’t believe it. I didn’t think I’d meet you for-“_

_“For years,” Kageyama says. “Me neither.”_

_It isn’t really funny but they laugh, a release of this tension, and Kindaichi asks if they can go to the bathroom to check their marks and Kageyama falls in step behind him and wonders what could possibly be more important or special than this. They’re sent to the nurse’s office and get a lecture on endorphins and they nod and can’t stop holding hands, Kageyama never wants to let go of him, but they part them to sit at desks on the opposite sides of the room, tell them they’ll be sent home - separately - if they don’t pay attention._

_At lunch they sit together in almost silence, broken only by laughter and saying each other’s names, and they still don’t know anything about each other but they don’t care, they don’t care because it’s perfect, so perfect, they’re complete in a way they weren’t before, Kageyama could swear he’s never felt like this in his life, it eclipses everything and he might never feel anything close to this again but he can’t find it in himself to look beyond this moment. Even with the teacher’s warning, they can’t help sneaking looks at each other through afternoon classes._

_In three hours, they go to the first volleyball practice and meet Kunimi and do it all over again._

_In three years, everything has turned to ash._

__

\---

“Talk to them,” Hinata says after he forces the story out of Kageyama the next morning.

“Talk to them,” Suga says in the email he sends back in response to the four short, confused messages Kageyama sends him over the course of fifteen minutes.

“Talk to them, and lose this number, how did you even get this number, I’m pretty sure I never gave you this number,” Oikawa says when Kageyama calls him.

“Talk to them,” Iwaizumi says, stealing Oikawa’s phone and, from the sounds of things, hitting him in the face.

In the face of all that, Kageyama can’t pretend he doesn’t know what to he ought to do. He’s just not sure how to go about doing it, and how to avoid messing things up further when he does. Eventually, he decides to worry about the beginning before the end and comes up with a plan. The plan mostly involves waiting until Monday, when he knows Kindaichi won’t have volleyball practice, and lying in wait for them outside the school gates. He considered playing sick to get out of his own practice but thinks better of it and simply explains enough of the situation to Ennoshita for him to be excused from practice for the day with a sympathetic look.

They don’t come out together, which means they haven’t made up, which is bad, but it also means that they haven’t made up and decided to stop talking to him, which is good. So, ultimately it’s a wash, but Kageyama doesn’t have time to dwell on it before he needs to jump in front of Kindaichi, blocking his path.

Kindaichi’s expression goes hard the moment he sees Kageyama, jaw clenching as he stops in the middle of the walkway, other students grumbling as they have to split around them.

“We need to talk,” Kageyama says.

“Tough,” Kindaichi says, moving to duck around Kageyama. “Because I don’t want to talk to you.” 

Kageyama chases after him, grabbing the strap of Kindaichi’s bag where it’s slung cross-wise around his body, pulling him to a halt. “We have to,” he says. “And not just us, Kunimi too.”

Kindaichi snorts, trying to look as disaffected as he can while fighting with his own schoolbag. “If you want to talk to Kunimi, why don’t you just call him up to have one of your little date meetings? Or do you only mess around when you meet up, no talking?” His voice is a knife meant to cut deep, just as it always was when Kindaichi was hurt and lashing out, but Kageyama can’t let himself get distracted now.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, trying to remain calm. Kindaichi manages to slip out from under his bag’s strap but can’t bring himself to let go of it completely, instead opting to enter into a tug-of-war match with Kageyama for his school books. Kageyama is retroactively grateful to Hinata for being just immature enough to have helped trained him for this moment, if inadvertently. 

“You’re making a scene,” Kindaichi snaps, yanking harder on the bag.

Kageyama plants his feet. “I don’t care,” he says. “You need to listen.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from you,” Kindaichi says and that stings, more than a little, and Kindaichi’s not done. “I knew he was pulling away recently, but I never though it was because of you. Haven’t you ruined enough things between us, taken enough from me? Do you really have to take him away, too?”

“No one is taking me anywhere, Kindaichi.” Kunimi’s voice is cool in the crisp afternoon air and Kageyama stumbles when the bag strap goes slack in his grip, Kindaichi loosening his hold so he can turn to stare.

“Great,” Kindaichi mutters, passing a hand over his eyes. “Just fu- I’m not doing this.”

“Well, we’re certainly not doing this here,” Kunimi says with impeccable calm. “But I agree that we should talk. Either all three of us talk or none of us do, and if you really don’t want to, Kindaichi, then this will be the end of it.”

Kageyama lets go of Kindaichi’s bag and waits, watching Kindaichi. Seconds stretch, turning long and shivering with tension, and Kindaichi says nothing.

“Alright then,” Kunimi says and walks between them, bangs fluttering. Kageyama watches his back grow smaller and wonders if he’s doomed to watch history repeat itself over and over again, always watching while the chasms between them grow deeper, impassable. 

Then something breaks within Kindaichi and he’s walking, running after Kunimi, one hand brushing against Kageyama to get him to come along, too. They follow Kunimi in silence, winding through the streets without a glance or a word spared between them. Kindaichi’s shoulders are tight and Kunimi’s mouth is tense and Kageyama’s hands have disappeared up his jacket sleeves where they can twitch unseen.

It’s only after they’ve been walking for nearly ten minutes that he realizes Kunimi is leading them to Kageyama’s house. He supposes it makes sense. His parents work late, they’ll have the place to themselves with no siblings to question them either.

The quiet lasts until they reach Kageyama’s room. Kunimi and Kindaichi haven’t been inside in over a year and Kunimi at least makes no attempt to hide the way he looks around. The posters they’d put up together are long gone but the walls are no longer bare, either. Now he has all the posters Yachi had designed for them since taking over as manager. There are pictures up, too, of the whole team from last year together at graduation, of him and his year-mates laughing at a school festival, postcards from various team members when they’ve gone on vacation.

There’s a trophy from where he came in second place to Hinata in a sprint at sports day and a detailed sketch of a crow feather that he’d caught Tsukishima doodling and saved. Some of Hinata’s manga are sitting around where he’d left them, the binder of notes Yachi had helped him put together lies on his bed. There’s a stain on the rug were Yamaguchi had spilled juice laughing too hard during a sleepover. The whiteboard he’d put up ages ago to write his training regimen on still has **REMINDER: YOU’RE A TURD** written on it in Hinata’s script and _You’re both turds_ in Tsukishima’s, along with an actual reminder from Yachi that he’s in charge of buying streamers for Yamaguchi’s birthday party and that they should be in yellow or white.

“Your room looks different,” Kunimi says, eyes moving from one item to another. “It’s nice.” He sits on the bed, hands smoothing the cover next to him. Kageyama sits down there, leaving space between them.

Kindaichi doesn’t sit but leans against the wall, arms crossed. “You wanted to talk,” he says. “So talk.”

Slowly, haltingly, they begin to explain. That they aren’t together, that they weren’t hiding anything, that Kageyama had only gone to Kunimi’s because of Kindaichi’s call, of what he’d been trying to do. That, of course, means that Kunimi has to explain, eyes cast down, about his feelings for them. About how he blamed himself.

Kindaichi twitches at that. “Don’t be stupid,” he says. “If anything, it was my fault. If I hadn’t lost my patience-“

“If I hadn’t yelled-“ Kageyama says.

“If I hadn’t run away-“ Kunimi starts at the same time.

It’s like they’ve broken down some kind of wall and Kindaichi is the first to crack, the smallest chuckle passing his lips. Kageyama stares for a second until he feels a bubble of laughter rising up, too, and then he’s giggling and that sets Kindaichi off worse, and Kunimi joins in, and before they know it, they’re all laughing, laughing so hard that stomachs start to ache.

“I guess we’re a real matching set, then,” Kunimi says. “All of us blaming ourselves and never talking about anything. It’s a wonder we didn’t ruin things sooner, really.”

“So what do we do now?” Kindaichi asks the question trembling on Kageyama’s lips, the one he was too scared to ask himself.

“I don’t want to lose either of you,” Kageyama says. “Not just because we’re soulmates, either.”

Kunimi nods. “I don’t want to lose you two, either. I can get over my feelings, or at least, if we work together we can find some solution so they won’t get in the way-”

“Why should we?” Kindaichi asks, making Kunimi’s head jump up. “I mean… When I saw you two together, I, I was upset, but, I was also…” He trails off, struggling for words.

“It didn’t feel right without you,” Kageyama offers quietly. “It never feels right when it’s just two of us.”

“But,” Kunimi says, pale and arguing against hope. “People don’t do that kind of thing. It’s- it’ll go wrong.”

“So? Things have already gone wrong,” Kageyama says. “Even when we were doing all the stuff soulmates are supposed to do, we just screwed things up. Maybe we should try doing what we want, for a change. Forget the soulmate stuff.”

“What, like not reactivate our bond?” Kindaichi asks and rubs the back of his neck thoughtfully. “Huh.”

“We were always soulmates to each other,” Kageyama says. “Maybe we should try, you know, just being ourselves. Figuring out what we are to each other without all that.”

“That would a change,” Kunimi says. He pulls his knees up on to the bed and loops his arms around them. 

Kageyama shuffles closer to Kunimi and pats the spot next to him, getting Kindaichi to sit down. It’s nice, to sit between them again. His head is quiet, his mark is calm, but his skin prickles where they touch.

“Just us,” he says, stretching out his hands.

“Together,” Kindaichi says, taking one, his palm warm and callused.

“Well,” Kunimi says, a smile spreading over his face as he reaches out to lay his cool fingers across their joined hands. “It’s worth a try.”

And somehow, Kageyama thinks everything might just turn out alright.


End file.
